the news

"it's the news"

"huh?"

"nothing, please continue"

"i mean, I dunno, our last date was kind of just... I dunno... I don't think we have like a chemistry sort of..? . . ..  wait, now I'm bothered, what did you mean by 'it's the news' I totally heard you explicitly, and I . . .   "

"nothin' it's. ..  back before internet TV and stuff, when we had "prime time television".. back in those days first of all "Prime Time" was kind of ...  kind of something to look forward to.  I mean now with DVRs screwing with TVs natural sleeping cycle.. (clears throat) ..    sorry I digress. . .  anyways, the news..    whenever Kevin Arnold found resolution in some Middle School drama all while dealing with his love for Winnie, whenever Cliff Huxtable finally taught his kids a lesson while doing it with style and keeping the Mrs. happy, when Balki and Larry were finished with their shenanigans all while taking on Chicago and their single life.... right as you learn from them exactly how you might have to ask a girl to the school dance, celebrate your wife's 40th birthday or ask your boss, Mr. Gorpley, for a raise so you can buy your girl a ring... ..  the commercial for the upcoming news at 9 comes on and you get ready to say goodbye to Balky and all your other TV friends.  You know, I agree... our last date was kind of shitty.  It sucked because the whole time i kept thinking 'when is she gonna realize she's way out of my league?' and the thing is you are!  In the pecking order I'm not an Alpha but I'm also not even a geeky nerd... I've always been able to fly under the radar and be at least the penultimate ..  you're a .. beautiful and totally endearing chick . .  just ... you know that Kevin never ended up with Winnie. . and you know Paul didn't either .. .  I'm not Kevin or Paul . . . I'm just that horrible 3rd date to you
  . . .

that's the news"